I was standing in my kitchen the other day, feeling light, present, and… normal. I was feeling really good!
And then, suddenly, I thought:
Was it really that bad?
It’s strange how, when we’re feeling good, it becomes almost impossible to grasp how bad things once felt. The exhaustion, the hopelessness, the weight of it all – those feelings that once consumed us become distant, almost unreal, like a bad dream that fades the moment you wake up.
I know logically that I was struggling. I have blog posts to prove it, conversations with people who worried about me, and even physical symptoms that forced me to stop. But now, on the other side of it, my mind starts playing tricks on me.
Maybe I was over-reacting? Maybe it wasn’t that bad?
And then I remember my husband – watching me push through, ignoring every warning sign – telling me in his Greeklish:
You have that burnout thing again, I’m telling you!
You have to stop trying to do everything!
The thing is, when he said that – I didn’t brush him off. I felt it too. I knew he was right. But I didn’t want it to be true. Not again. I wanted to believe I was just tired, that I could push through, that maybe I was just being weak.
But that truth sat heavy in my chest, and eventually, I had to face it. I had to take the very advice I’ve spent years giving to others – that when you see the signs of burnout, you have to stop before it gets worse. It’s a simple truth, but it’s so damn hard to follow.
The Same Is True in Reverse
The flip side is just as cruel. When you’re in a dark place, the light feels unreachable. You can barely remember what it’s like to feel good, and even if you do, it seems like another lifetime – one that you can’t imagine ever returning to. You convince yourself that you’ve always felt this way, that this is your new normal. It’s a lie that your brain tells you, but in the moment, it’s incredibly convincing.
This distortion of perspective is something I’ve come to recognise over time. It’s like our emotions warp our memories, pulling the past into alignment with how we feel in the present. When we’re happy, we struggle to remember our pain. When we’re low, we struggle to believe we were ever ok.
Trusting the Evidence
So, what do we do with this? I think part of the answer is learning to trust the evidence, even when our emotions try to rewrite the past.
If you’re in a good place now but find yourself wondering, “Was it really that bad?”, remember what it took to get here. The moments when you couldn’t see a way forward, the times when you felt like you had nothing left. You don’t have to dwell on them, but acknowledging them helps you appreciate just how far you’ve come.
And if you’re struggling right now, unable to imagine ever feeling good again, remind yourself that this isn’t permanent. It feels endless, but it isn’t. You’ve felt better before, and you will again. Even if you can’t feel it now, trust that it’s there, waiting for you.
Why Does Our Brain Work This Way?
Just like when I wake up from a vivid dream and feel the urge to Google what it means, I found myself wondering:
Why does this happen? Why, when I’m feeling good, do I struggle to remember just how bad it was?
So I did some research.
As it turns out, our brains don’t store memories like a perfectly organised filing system. Instead, they pull up memories that match our current mood. When we’re happy, we recall good times more easily, making past struggles feel distant or even exaggerated. But when we’re struggling, our brain does the opposite – it brings forward every moment of exhaustion, stress, or pain, convincing us that we’ve always felt this way.
It’s called mood-congruent memory, and it’s one of the ways our brain protects us. When we’re healing, it helps us move forward instead of staying stuck in the depth of past pain. When we’re struggling, it heightens our awareness of distress so we don’t ignore what’s wrong.
But just because our brain feels like something is true in the moment doesn’t mean it is true. That’s why trusting the evidence – remembering what we’ve overcome – is so important.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling good right now, take a deep breath and appreciate it. Even if you can’t quite believe how bad it once was, trust that what you went through was real – and so is your healing.
And if you’re struggling, know this:
The version of you who feels strong, light, and free still exists. You haven’t lost them. You’re just on the way back to them.
No feeling is final. No state is permanent. You’ve felt better before, and you will again. Even if you can’t see it now, trust that it’s there, waiting for you.
Because healing isn’t about never falling – it’s about knowing that, every time you do, you will rise again.
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