I had never really heard the word burnout before, at least not as something that could ever happen to me – until crying in my doctor’s office, she said:
You’re really burnt out. You’re suffering from burnout-induced depression. If you don’t take a proper break – it won’t be good for you, it won’t be good for your employer, and it won’t be good for your future.
So I needed to understand how this happened.
How did I get there?
When I first looked at the definition of burnout, I thought:
But I’m good at being busy! I thrive on being busy!
How is this even possible?
I dug deeper and realised that burnout isn’t just about having a busy job – there are many risk factors that contribute to it.
Then, I did a lot more Googling and found the 12 stages of burnout. So I did something that helped me make sense of it all: I traced my own journey through each stage, looking at when and how I’d experienced them. Seeing the full path helped me understand not just how I got there – but how I might start to find my way back.
You might find it helpful to do the same. Reflect on where you are in the 12 stages, and what steps you could take now to start course-correcting.
Burnout Overview
What is Burnout?
Burnout is defined by the World Health Organisation as a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterised by three dimensions:
- Feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion.
- Increased mental distance from one’s job or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job.
- Reduced professional efficacy.
I don’t feel like this definition fully captures the complexity of burnout. From my experience, burnout wasn’t just about work – it was about years of neglecting my needs, unresolved personal stress, and societal pressures to achieve. The narrow focus on “workplace stress” overlooks the intersection of life factors that can quietly wear us down over time.
While it is classified as an occupational phenomenon, burnout can be exacerbated by a variety of personal and environmental factors, such as family responsibilities, health conditions, environment, and cultural influences. These risk factors can compound and intensify burnout if not properly managed.
Burnout vs. Stress
Stress can be both positive and negative. Short-term, manageable stress can enhance performance, but when it becomes chronic and unmanaged, it can lead to burnout. Recognising the difference is essential to addressing it early.
- Good Stress: Short-term, motivating, and improves performance. (This is the part I was good at.)
- Bad Stress: Prolonged, draining, and harmful to your mental and physical well-being. (This is the part I didn’t really understand.)
Mapping My Experience to The 12 Stages of Burnout
Stage 1: A Compulsion to Prove Yourself
Description: You feel an intense need to prove your worth, often by overachieving or seeking validation.
My Experience: Growing up as the eldest of six in a financially stretched and often chaotic household, I learned early on to take responsibility – and to prove myself. That drive followed me into the corporate world, which I entered at just 16. Surrounded by older, more experienced professionals, I often felt like I had something to prove. The combination of imposter syndrome and a relentless need for external validation became a defining undercurrent of my early career.
Stage 2: Pushing Yourself to Work Harder
Description: You begin to push yourself excessively, taking on more tasks and responsibilities than you can handle.
My Experience: I moved between cities and countries – New Zealand, Brisbane, Sydney, Singapore, then back to Sydney – always chasing the next job, the next challenge. I wasn’t always sure what was driving me beyond survival and a vague sense that I needed to prove something. I filled every gap with more: long work hours, running half marathons to manage stress, extra responsibilities at every turn. I believed that the busier I was, the better I must be – proof that I could handle anything, even when I was quietly running on empty.
Stage 3: Neglecting Your Own Needs
Description: Self-care and basic needs like sleep, rest, and nutrition are neglected in favour of work.
My Experience: I was travelling for work most weeks, squeezing in runs before and after hours, and working late into the night on my laptop. Even a severely torn calf muscle didn’t stop me – I kept travelling, attending meetings, and pushing through, even when I couldn’t walk without assistance at the airport. I ignored migraines, worked through illness, and convinced myself this was just part of being committed. Rest wasn’t just deprioritised – it felt irrelevant.
Stage 4: Displacement of Conflict
Description: You start blaming others for your stress and difficulties, often feeling resentful.
My Experience: After years of operating at what felt like 150%, I missed out on a role I truly wanted – one I felt ready for, one I’d poured so much into. It was hard. I took it personally. It felt like all the energy, care, and sacrifice I’d given all these years hadn’t counted. My confidence took a hit, and for a while, I found myself stuck in resentment – not just toward the decision, but toward the constant pressure I’d been carrying for so long without pause.
Stage 5: Changes in Values
Description: Your priorities shift, and work takes precedence over personal values, hobbies, and relationships.
My Experience: After my confidence took a hit at work, I doubled down instead of stepping back. I began to deprioritise my personal life – distancing myself from hobbies, relationships, even rest – believing that working harder would somehow fix what felt broken. I thought if I could just prove myself again, everything would fall back into place. But beneath the effort was a growing frustration: I was doing more than ever, and still not feeling good enough.
Stage 6: Denial of Emerging Problems
Description: You deny that anything is wrong and may become cynical or dismissive of others’ concerns.
My Experience: I didn’t want to admit anything was wrong. Instead, I blamed my job, the system, the way everything was set up. I became cynical and emotionally checked out. The passion I once had for my work was gone, replaced by resentment and disillusionment. That negativity didn’t stay at work – it followed me home. I started withdrawing from friends, skipping social events, and even stopped running. It was easier to disconnect than to confront what was really happening.
Stage 7: Withdrawal
Description: You withdraw from social activities, friends, or colleagues, isolating yourself to cope.
My Experience: I pulled back from everything. I stopped going to work events, stopped reaching out to friends, and let some long-term friendships quietly fade. I was drinking heavily, dealing with mounting health issues, and telling myself I was just “too busy” or “too tired.” Then the pandemic hit – and the lockdowns gave me the perfect excuse to disappear. It became easier to hide than to admit how much I was struggling.
Stage 8: Obvious Behavioural Changes
Description: Changes in behaviour become noticeable to others, often involving irritability, anger, or mood swings.
My Experience: My emotions started spilling out – I was crying often, snapping easily, and struggling to keep it together. The isolation of lockdown intensified everything, and despair became a constant undercurrent. My body began to reflect the stress I’d been carrying for years: I developed adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder), stopped exercising completely, and was experiencing regular three-day migraines. It was no longer something I could hide – from myself or anyone else.
Stage 9: Depersonalisation
Description: You feel disconnected from your own identity and distant from people or activities you once cared about.
My Experience: I felt completely disconnected – from my work, my relationships, and most of all, from myself. It was like I was moving through life in a fog, watching it happen from a distance. My sense of self-worth had all but disappeared, and I often felt invisible, even around people who cared. Thank goodness for my husband – he was my anchor when I felt like I was drifting away.
Stage 10: Inner Emptiness or Anxiety
Description: You experience a sense of emptiness or anxiety, often using coping mechanisms like overeating or substance abuse.
My Experience: I began questioning the point of everything – work, life, even my relationships. Binge eating and drinking were my way of coping. Most weekends ended in blackouts, sometimes more than once a week. I resented everyone around me but felt crushing guilt for feeling that way. At my lowest, I fantasised about leaving it all behind – moving to another country, starting over, disappearing. I wasn’t just burnt out. I was lost.
Stage 11: Depression
Description: You feel hopeless, exhausted, and unable to see any positive outcomes.
My Experience: I reached a point of complete hopelessness and seriously considered quitting my job without a plan – just to make it stop. I started fantasising about extreme scenarios that might give me a “legitimate excuse” to step away, because I didn’t feel I had permission to stop otherwise. The physical symptoms escalated – migraines, fatigue, and now panic attacks. It felt like I was being crushed from the inside out, and I couldn’t see a way forward.
Stage 12: Mental or Physical Collapse
Description: You reach a point of complete breakdown, experiencing severe mental or physical symptoms that require intervention.
My Experience: Everything finally gave way. My body and mind shut down. I had a migraine that lasted three full weeks, alongside constant panic attacks and bone-deep exhaustion. I broke down in my doctor’s office, unable to hold it together any longer. She looked at me firmly and said, “This is burnout-induced depression.” It was the first time someone named it – and it became the turning point that forced me to stop and take the break I so desperately needed.
Recovery and Moving Forward
Seeking Help
I initially sought support through my GP and the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at my workplace. I confided in my husband and began seeing a therapist. I also spoke with our Human Resources department and my manager to plan time off.
The Reset
I took a two-month break using a combination of long service leave, unpaid leave, and sick leave. During this time, I focused on untangling my thoughts, resetting my priorities, and creating a wellness plan for myself. This plan included daily reflection, regular exercise, and setting achievable goals to restore balance.
My Key Learnings:
- I am a whole person outside of work: My value isn’t defined by my job or how others perceive me.
- Self-care isn’t selfish: Prioritising my health and well-being is essential.
- Boundaries matter: Learning to say no and setting realistic expectations has been life-changing.
Final Thoughts:
Burnout is a phenomenon, not an illness – so you won’t get a formal “diagnosis.” But its impact can be profound, often showing up through exhaustion, anxiety, depression, or even chronic physical symptoms. Left unaddressed, it builds quietly – until it doesn’t.
This experience was a few years ago now, and I’ve learned so much since then. Recovery wasn’t instant, and it certainly wasn’t linear – but it was real. It’s been a journey of unlearning, healing, and slowly reconnecting with who I am outside of my job.
That’s what I share on this blog: all the messy, meaningful parts of life after burnout, and I’ll be going deeper on many of the points mentioned in this post.
If something you read here resonates, please know – you’re not alone. And you don’t have to wait until collapse to start making space for yourself.
Whatever you want to call it – if you don’t feel ok, that matters.
Start there. Take it seriously. Because it’s easier to fix when you catch it early – and you’re worth that kind of care.
If you’d like to work out where you are on the burnout spectrum, you might like to check out my Burnout Clarity Guide – it’s free when you join my mailing list.
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