Favouritism at work is rarely named directly, but most people know when they’re feeling it. It’s that moment when effort and outcome don’t match. When you watch someone move ahead and you can’t quite trace the path. When the rules seem flexible for some and rigid for others.
People often dismiss these feelings by saying this is just how workplaces operate. But the truth is, people are reacting to genuine uncertainty. When expectations aren’t clear and decisions aren’t explained, it affects how you feel about your work.
Favouritism at work isn’t always intentional. Sometimes what people witness and experience as favouritism is simply the result of unclear processes, busy leaders, and visibility dynamics that no one has ever properly explained. And sometimes, yes, it really is outright favouritism.
This complexity is why people become frustrated, discouraged, or sceptical about advancement. It’s not overreaction – it’s a response to trying to work within a system that doesn’t communicate the real rules. And that kind of uncertainty wears people down over time.
Sometimes It Really Is Favouritism
There’s no point pretending otherwise. Sometimes favouritism at work is exactly what’s going on.
Some leaders gravitate toward people they feel comfortable with – those who communicate like them, share similar backgrounds, or just feel familiar. On its own, that’s not necessarily favouritism. But when that preference consistently shapes opportunities or exposure, it creates a real imbalance for the people around them.
In some environments, the gap between how people are treated is not subtle. Certain individuals are protected from consequences. Others notice the standards shifting depending on who is involved. People talk about fairness privately because saying it directly doesn’t feel safe.
This form of favouritism is real, and it has real impact. And many people recognise it immediately when they see it.
But it’s also not the only version that exists.
How the Perception of Favouritism Forms
One of the most consistent complaints in employee surveys across industries is the same:
I don’t understand what it takes to progress.
Companies often respond by creating levelling guides, competency models, and career paths. These are good tools, but they don’t always change the lived experience.
Because alongside those formal structures is the truth most people eventually realise. Advancement is influenced by visibility, relationships, and trust – as much as it is by performance.
And when the organisation doesn’t explain that, people fill in the blanks themselves.
- You watch someone get promoted and you can’t work out why.
- You see someone pulled into a strategic discussion and wonder how it happened.
- You notice that some voices are amplified while others stay unheard.
If you’re doing good work and still feeling stuck, the most logical story your mind creates is that favouritism must be involved.
That doesn’t make you negative. It makes you human.
Sometimes that interpretation is accurate.
Sometimes it’s missing context you don’t have access to.
And often, the organisation hasn’t communicated enough for anyone to see the full picture.
When Effort Gets Lost in the Noise
In my own career, I spent quite a few years in roles that were unique and hard to categorise. There was no levelling guide for those types of roles, and there wasn’t a clear progression path. And because the job didn’t fit neatly into any existing frameworks, expectations were vague.
My last promotion happened nine years before my role ended. Nine years. From then on, I was often told I needed to “do more” beyond the immediate scope of my role.
So I did.
I took on work across teams.
I carried responsibilities that weren’t part of my job description.
I onboarded new hires and mentored others.
I contributed to areas well beyond my formal remit.
I was recognised at a global level for work outside the scope of my role, including receiving two global recognition awards for completely different contributions.
But none of that translated into clarity about progression. Over time, I realised the issue wasn’t my effort. It was that the people making the decisions kept changing, and each of them valued different things. What counted as “impact” shifted depending on who was in the room, and it was hard to know how to navigate those moving expectations or keep my work visible in a way that stayed consistent across leadership changes.
This is a pattern I hear from so many people. When the organisation hasn’t defined what “more” actually means, people overextend themselves trying to guess. They give more time, more energy, more emotional labour. The bar keeps rising and the goalposts keep shifting. Effort gets lost during restructures and management changes, and you can find yourself starting again with a new manager who has no context for the work you’ve already done. With expectations left vague, people end up working harder without feeling any clearer about where they stand.
That kind of ambiguity is what creates frustration. Not with the work itself, but with the lack of a clear path. And whether it’s real or perceived, favouritism at work creates resentment. Over time, that resentment doesn’t just affect motivation – it feeds burnout.
The Reality Many People Aren’t Taught
Here’s the part most workplaces don’t say out loud.
In many environments, doing good work isn’t enough to progress. Doing good work is important, of course. But it often needs to be paired with:
- visibility to the right people
- clear communication of your impact
- alignment with what leadership prioritises
- relationships with decision-makers
- understanding which work is valued most
Some people learn this early. Others never hear it directly.
And some choose not to play that game at all.
What makes it even more complicated is how often the environment shifts. Leaders change. Priorities move. Structures get redesigned. Even when you understand the unwritten rules, they don’t always hold unless the timing is right or you happen to be aligned with the right leader at the right moment. That doesn’t mean you’re not capable – it means the system is fluid, and progression depends as much on context and timing as it does on contribution.
Politics exist in every workplace. The real damage happens when organisations pretend they don’t. When leaders assume people magically understand the unwritten rules. When expectations stay vague and feedback remains generic.
That’s when even the most committed people feel lost.
What Workplaces Can Do to Reduce Favouritism at Work
If organisations want to genuinely reduce favouritism at work, they need to focus on the root causes rather than just the symptoms.
Research backs this up. Forbes recently reported that one in ten employees are now quitting their jobs because of workplace favouritism. That’s not just a culture issue. It’s a retention issue, a trust issue, and a performance issue. When people believe decisions aren’t fair or transparent, they hold back. They stop contributing at their full capacity. They stop putting themselves forward. And eventually, they start planning their exit. Fairness is not a nice to have. It is a business requirement.
Reducing favouritism (or the perception of it) requires more than introducing new frameworks and career pathways. It demands clarity, consistency, continuity, and leadership awareness. Without continuity, even well-intentioned processes become unpredictable – restructures, leadership changes, and shifting priorities can reset expectations overnight. For any system to feel fair, people need to understand not just what the expectations are, but that those expectations will remain stable long enough to be followed.
Some of the most impactful shifts include:
Being transparent about what visibility actually means
If visibility is important, leadership needs to explain how it works in practice. It shouldn’t be left to guesswork. People should understand the kinds of contributions, behaviours, and interactions that help decision-makers recognise impact.
Removing vague feedback
Feedback such as “you need to do more” or “step up” creates confusion and can lead people to overextend themselves without direction. Growth needs to be defined clearly in terms of scope, skill, or responsibility, not left open for interpretation.
Recognising different styles of contribution
Not all impact is loud or public. Some people contribute through depth, consistency, problem solving, or behind the scenes leadership. These styles need to be valued as much as the more visible, outspoken ones.
Broadening the definition of success
When only one type of person seems to progress, the system becomes narrow and exclusionary. Organisations need multiple pathways that support different strengths, personality types, and working styles.
Training leaders to understand their own biases
Most favouritism is unconscious. Leaders often reward people who communicate like them, think like them, or mirror their energy. Training that helps leaders understand these patterns can make a significant difference in how fair and consistent decisions feel.
Explaining how decisions are made
Many employees are not upset about decisions themselves. They are upset about the lack of explanation. Even difficult decisions feel more fair when the reasoning is communicated clearly. Silence breeds assumptions, which often leads to perceptions of favouritism.
When workplaces invest in these shifts, they reduce confusion and frustration. They build trust. And they create an environment where people feel informed, supported, valued, and safe to focus on their work instead of navigating hidden rules.
What Individuals Can Do to Stay Grounded and Take Control
Even in imperfect systems, individuals still have agency.
One of the most helpful steps is to ask your manager directly what is required to progress.
Not casually. Not as a question squeezed into the end of a meeting. But as a focused conversation.
Ask things like:
- What needs to be different for me to progress to the next level?
- What would you need to see consistently?
- What would make my impact clearer at your level?
- What time frame makes sense for this?
Then document it.
Write it down. Send it back to your manager for confirmation. Treat it like a working agreement, not a vague intention.
From there, use your one on ones purposefully. Bring your progress back into the conversation. Not in a pushy way, but in a grounded, intentional way.
Managers are busy. Their priorities shift. That doesn’t mean your development is not important. It means you might need to help keep it on the agenda.
This approach doesn’t guarantee promotion. But it does give you clarity. And clarity stops you from burning yourself out chasing something undefined.
When Clarity Becomes Information, Not Failure
Sometimes you do everything right. You ask the questions. You document the expectations. You deliver what was asked. And the goalposts still move.
If this happens, it’s not a sign that you’re not good enough. It’s information about the system you’re in.
At that point, the question is no longer “what else should I be doing?” It becomes “is this system capable of supporting the growth I want?”
That shift in perspective is powerful. It moves you out of self-blame and into self-leadership.
Final Thoughts: How Do You Stop Becoming Bitter?
This post was sparked by a private message on TikTok. Someone asked me to talk about favouritism at work and how to handle it without becoming resentful.
It’s a question many people carry quietly, because favouritism touches something deeper than workload or process. It affects how people interpret their value at work. When you care about what you do and put genuine effort into your role, feeling passed over creates a kind of internal friction that’s hard to shake.
The first step toward staying grounded is understanding what’s actually happening around you. When you can see the dynamics at play, the patterns become clearer and less personal. You start recognising which parts are systemic, which parts come from unclear expectations, and which parts you can influence.
From there, clarity becomes protective. Asking for specific expectations, documenting them, checking in during one on ones, and tracking your progress gives you a stable reference point. You’re no longer relying on guesswork or hoping someone notices. You’re actively shaping your development, even when the environment is imperfect.
And if you reach a point where the expectations keep shifting or nothing aligns no matter what you do, that realisation is important. It tells you something about the system you’re in and whether it supports the direction you want for your career.
Staying steady in the face of favouritism isn’t about suppressing your feelings. It’s about holding your own centre. When you know your strengths and understand the environment you’re operating in, you gain a kind of inner stability. You might still see imbalance or inconsistency, but it no longer undermines your confidence.
You can care about your work without carrying every outcome on your shoulders. You can stay committed to your own growth, even when the environment is imperfect. And you can keep your sense of self intact, regardless of how someone else chooses to allocate attention.
That steadiness is what keeps bitterness from settling in. It comes from clarity, self-awareness, and intentional action. Once you have those pieces in place, other people’s preferences don’t hold the same power over you.
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