You don’t have to work long in any organisation before you see it.
That one person who makes life difficult – but still gets protected, praised, and promoted.
We see it in every kind of organisation, from shiny startups to long-established corporations: The person everyone struggles with is often the one who gets rewarded the most.
Not because they’re kind.
Not because they make the culture better.
But because they bring in money.
Because they’re seen as “too valuable to lose.”
This post is about toxic workplace behaviour – and what happens when it’s tolerated, justified, or even protected.
Unfortunately, this kind of culture still exists in far too many workplaces. And unless we learn how to recognise it – and deal with it – it will continue to thrive.
The Story That Made My Blood Boil
I heard a story recently that really bothered me, and has been playing on my mind. It reminds me why the work I do is so important, how far we still have to go, and how urgent it is.
This person had been with their company for many, many years. He was loyal, dependable, and deeply respected by his peers. For a long time, he’d been quietly stepping into leadership responsibilities without a title – supporting his manager, guiding others, solving problems. Not for recognition – just because he cared about the work, and the team.
But none of that was formally acknowledged. No promotion. No title change. No clear progression.
Until he resigned.
He was offered a better role at another company – one that didn’t even know him well, but recognised his capability and potential. The offer came with clarity and respect – things he hadn’t received in years.
Only after he handed in his resignation did his current employer take notice. Suddenly, there was interest. Senior Leadership floated the idea of creating a second official leadership role – one that would formalise and acknowledge his existing contributions, and have him working alongside the existing manager – rather than lose him to another company.
I’ll write more about this dynamic another time – how organisations often only recognise your value when you’re halfway out the door.
But what I want to focus on today is what happened next.
The Manager Who Felt Threatened
Instead of being congratulated or supported, he was met with silence and hostility – not from Senior Leadership – but from the manager he had spent years helping and would potentially soon be working alongside in a more official capacity.
This manager has been with the company even longer. His entire reputation has been built on him doing as much as possible himself. He works long hours, gets involved in things he should be empowering others to do, all with the goal of creating the perception that he is the glue holding everything together.
But his strategy is all about control – not leadership.
His behaviour is well known. He is moody, negative, and difficult. His shelves are stacked with energy supplements. He works multiple jobs to maintain his lifestyle. It’s clear to everyone around him that he’s burnt out – but he’s was unaware of any other way of operating. And still, this continues in plain sight, enabled and encouraged because he’s seen as someone who “gets things done.”
He is protected. Because his control strategy is working. Because he is seen as indispensable.
So when the idea of a second leadership role was floated, he didn’t see it as recognition for a great team member. He saw it as a threat. To his power. His income. His status.
His initial response to this idea was to give the silent treatment. Then, after a day of coldness, he broke the silence – with this line:
I’m going to make you my bitch.
Let that sit for a moment.
This wasn’t a joke.
This wasn’t banter.
This was a manager speaking to someone he was meant to support, encourage, and guide.
And it was disgusting.
The following day, more silent treatment, and the only words he spoke were the same chilling phrase repeated:
You can’t go anywhere. You’re my bitch now.
This time with even more fire in his eyes, and with witnesses present who were suitably horrified.
Word got back to leadership. They acknowledged the comment was unacceptable, but nothing more was done.
On the person’s last day (needless to say, this made it an easy decision not to consider any counteroffer), nothing was said.
He’d expected at least a few words – some acknowledgment, a follow up conversation regarding he counter-offer, a goodbye, maybe even a hint of regret. But there was silence.
It was as if nothing had happened.
I’ve Seen This Before – And I’ve Lived It
This wasn’t the first time I’d heard a story like this.
And I’ve experienced similar myself.
Sadly, I’m sure most of us have a story.
Years ago, I worked alongside someone just like that – arrogant, dismissive, and incredibly disrespectful. We were at the same level of seniority, working side by side – but he treated me like I didn’t belong there.
He referred to me – to others – as “the admin girl.”
I had almost a decade of experience with the company by that point. He had barely started.
Early on, I shared a global company standard PowerPoint deck with him, and without even properly looking at it, he said:
If this was [another company], it would be really slick.
He scheduled separate meetings with the customer immediately before meetings I already had planned, deliberately ran them overtime and then when I arrived, he would dismiss me and say:
We’ve already covered everything.
He refused to use our internal systems. He excluded people. He only involved the team when it suited him. If he needed something from someone – he’d sweet-talk them into helping, then disappear once he’d gotten what he wanted.
I wasn’t the only one affected. Others were reduced to tears. He was reported to multiple leaders. Great employees left.
And still, he stayed. Because he made his numbers.
Because leadership didn’t want to deal with him.
Because someone decided his value outweighed the cost.
This is toxic workplace behaviour – and this is how it gets rewarded.
I Don’t Think People Are Assholes On Purpose
Here’s the thing.
I don’t believe most people behave this way intentionally.
I don’t think they start out trying to create harm or dominate others.
Often, toxic workplace behaviour emerges from a lack of awareness – from fear, insecurity, or simply never being taught how to lead. Personal agendas and politics usually muddy the waters.
That’s why I believe education is so important.
We need to teach people how to recognise this behaviour – in themselves and in others – and give them the tools to do better.
Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
And once you know better, you can lead better.
Psychological Safety Is Not a Checkbox
When I heard the recent story – that same old dynamic playing out again – I was furious.
This is exactly the kind of behaviour I’m dedicating my work to changing.
Because it doesn’t just damage one person. It poisons the culture.
And it doesn’t happen because one person is “difficult.”
It happens because leadership enables it.
Psychological safety is not a checkbox.
It’s not a policy in a handbook.
It’s not a slide in a training deck.
It’s something you live – every day – in how you lead, how you listen, and how you respond when someone crosses the line.
When you ignore toxic workplace behaviour because someone “gets results,” you’re making a choice. You’re choosing silence over accountability. And you’re telling your people:
This is what we tolerate here.
What Will Probably Happen Next
I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve seen this play out before.
The person in the story has started at the new company – where he’ll thrive.
The toxic manager will stay – because no one will challenge him.
And the workplace will lose more great people while continuing to protect someone harmful.
All to avoid a hard conversation. And without implementing anything to discourage that type of behaviour.
It’s such a common story. And it’s exhausting.
So What Can We Do About It?
If we want to create truly safe, respectful workplaces – the kind that people stay in and grow in – we need to act. Individually, and as organisations.
If you’re an individual:
- Know your rights – and ask questions.
You can say:
“What is the process for reporting a psychological safety issue?”
You don’t need to name names yet. But the phrase psychological safety matters – and forces a response. If a company talks the talk, this question makes them walk it. - Learn the reporting process – and use it professionally.
Don’t wait until you’re in crisis. Know your options. - Use frameworks like SBI (Situation, Behaviour, Impact) to make your case clear and grounded.
- Document everything.
Keep records: dates, times, direct quotes, and witnesses (if any).
Even if you never use it, it gives you clarity and protection. - Support others.
If you see something, don’t look away. Just saying “Are you ok?” or “That didn’t sit right with me either” can make all the difference. - Remember, it’s not just about you.
Even if you can cope, others might not. Calling out toxic behaviour helps create a better space for everyone. - You’re allowed to leave.
If nothing changes and leadership enables the behaviour – leaving is not failure. It’s self-respect.
- If leaving isn’t an option and all else fails, you can escalate.
In Australia, employers have a legal obligation under both the Fair Work Act and Work Health and Safety legislation to provide a psychologically safe workplace. If you’ve raised concerns internally and nothing changes, you may be able to escalate it through formal channels.
You can contact:- Fair Work Commission for advice or to make a complaint
- Safe Work Australia for issues related to mental health and workplace safety
- Your state’s WorkSafe regulator (e.g. WorkSafe Victoria, SafeWork NSW)
- 📞 Fair Work Infoline: 1300 799 675
If you’re in leadership:
- Know your obligations.
Psychological safety isn’t just a “nice to have” – it’s a legal requirement under Australian Work Health & Safety legislation.
If you’re in a leadership role, you are legally responsible for creating and maintaining a psychologically safe work environment.
If you don’t know what that means – make it your business to learn. Ignorance is not protection.
Start here: - Train your people on what toxic behaviour is – and isn’t.
Don’t assume they know. Teach them to spot it. Roleplay it. Challenge it. - Make the reporting process clear, accessible, and safe.
No one should be wondering who to go to. No one should fear retaliation. If they do – your process isn’t working. - Stay close to your team.
Don’t lead from a distance. Know the dynamics. Understand the undercurrents. Step in early. - Lead from the top and the bottom.
Psychological safety isn’t just a leadership value. It’s a cultural one. Every level matters – and everyone has a role to play. - Redefine what performance really means.
Stop rewarding destructive overachievers. Recognise the team players, the connectors, the quiet leaders who build culture, not just revenue. - Act when things are reported.
Take it seriously. Investigate properly. Be transparent. And follow through. Your credibility depends on it.
Final Thoughts: Stop Choosing Silence
This story isn’t just about one toxic person – it’s about the system that allowed their behaviour to continue.
Toxic behaviour doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s enabled, tolerated, and justified.
And it continues because we’re too afraid to confront the ones we think we “need.”
But the people you lose because of them?
They were the ones you needed most.
If you’ve ever been dismissed, belittled, or told to just “work around it,” I see you.
If you’ve ever watched someone protected while others were broken down, you’re not imagining it.
And if you’re in a position to stop toxic workplace behaviour – please, do.
Because we can’t afford to keep losing the right people to protect the wrong ones.
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