I recently returned from a beautiful holiday in the Cook Islands – a few days in Rarotonga, then five nights in Aitutaki with two blissful days exploring the smaller Islands in Aitutaki lagoon. It really was paradise.
I got sick while I was there – first a stomach bug, then a nasty cold and chesty cough – and that extra unexpected shift in pace reminded me just how much I’m still learning to slow down, even now, months into this next chapter of life.
Fortunately, the Aitutaki lagoon tours happened at the tail end of the stomach bug and just before the body aches from the cold started, so I didn’t have to miss out – I just had to be gentle with myself, take it slow, and avoid eating too much.
Getting sick – especially whilst on holiday – wasn’t ideal of course, but it did force me to slow down even more than I’d planned. No cooking, no cleaning, no gym, no appointments – not even any long walks! Just long, quiet days with nowhere to be. I’d even scheduled my blog posts in advance, so I didn’t need to lift a finger online either.
In hindsight, I’m so glad I set things up that way – and I’ll do it again next time I go away. Because this trip didn’t just give me a break from housework and routines – it gave me space to reflect, recharge, and realise how much I’m still learning to slow down since being made redundant.
This image is of me with my adorable loving husband, at Moturakau Island, which is in the Aitutaki Lagoon, Cook Islands. The feature image at the top of the page isn’t me! I generated it with the AI Image generator in WordPress – but the Aitutaki Lagoon really is this spectacular!
Adjusting to Redundancy: A New Kind of Freedom
When I received my redundancy notice, I was just returning to work after two months off to focus on my mental health. I’d felt burnout creeping back in – and in truth, I probably hadn’t fully recovered from it in the first place.
I was preparing myself to go back into the fire, already bracing for how I might be perceived as weak for taking the leave. Then, I was made redundant.
To be clear, I don’t believe I was selected because of that. It was a numbers game, and someone had to go. Maybe being out of the thick of it made me more vulnerable? – but I accepted that.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the strange adjustment that followed.
I’d worked non-stop since I was sixteen. I’d never gone even a week without a pay-check. Never lived without meetings, deadlines, or the constant weight of KPIs. So yes, I’d just had some time off – but this kind of open-ended freedom was something else entirely.
It’s different from structured leave. There’s no return date. No plan. No reason to “make the most of it” before getting back into the busy-ness.
At first, that felt like relief. But then came the quiet hum of anxiety. I’m great with structure, but who am I without deadlines to meet? Who am I without proving my worth?
Midlife Transition and Mental Recalibration
At the same time, I started HRT and stopped taking antidepressants. Each of those things alone mess with your head and your hormones.
Add that to a career transition, and it’s no wonder I’ve felt a little discombobulated.
My therapist and I keep coming back to this deep-seated belief I carry – that my worth is tied to what I do. That I’m only valuable when I’m achieving something. That pressure to achieve has followed me through every phase of life, especially since I left school, left home, and moved to Australia to build something of my own.
Now, with no role, no job, and no clear next step, I’ve had to ask myself:
Am I still of value if I’m not doing something impressive?
The Pressure to Always Be Doing
It’s not just internal. It’s societal too.
We’re conditioned to ask each other:
So, what’s next?”
As if being still or being present isn’t a valid destination.
And when you don’t have a dazzling answer, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing some invisible standard.
But the truth is – most people are caught up in their own lives. They’re not tracking my productivity. They’re not judging my pause. And even if they were… that’s not what matters.
Even in paradise, I noticed the tension in myself. I had made sure my blog would keep running while I was away – not because I had to, but because I felt I should.
No one would’ve minded if I’d said:
I’m taking a break for a couple of weeks.
But I told myself I’d made a commitment and had to follow through. That’s how I operate. And maybe getting sick was life’s way of saying: enough.
The world won’t fall apart if I stop.
I can rest. I can read. I can just be.
And no one will really even notice – except me.
Learning to Slow Down After Burnout
So I’m going to start doing that on purpose.
I want to pick a day each week where I don’t plan anything. A day with no obligations, no output – just freedom to lie on the couch, read a book, or do absolutely nothing.
This is the real work of recovering from burnout. It’s not just about leaving the stressful job or taking time off. It’s about shifting the beliefs that got me there in the first place.
In therapy this week, during another IFS (Internal Family Systems) session, my therapist asked me to check in with 13-year-old me.
What does she really want right now?
I felt a bit silly saying what was coming to me – it just sounded too simple. But the answer was clear:
She just wants to sit in the sun and read a book.
That part of me doesn’t want to do anything complicated or grown-up. She doesn’t want to strategise or prove her worth.
She just wants peace. Stillness.
The sun on her face and a good book in her hands.
She just wants to feel like being that little girl is enough – as she is.
And my therapist reminded me that she is.
She always was.
What About You?
Have you struggled with the same urge to always be productive – even when no one’s asking?
What would “slowing down” look like in your life right now?
If any of this resonates, you’re not alone. Many of us have internalised the idea that rest needs to be earned – that we only deserve it after we’ve achieved something. But what if the opposite is true?
Here’s something small you can try this week:
Pick a moment – even just half an hour – and ask yourself:
If I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone right now, what would I choose to do?
Maybe it’s lying in the sun with a book.
Maybe it’s a nap.
Maybe it’s doing absolutely nothing.
Whatever your answer is – trust it. That part of you knows what you need.
Even paradise can’t protect us from ourselves – the inner pressure, the need to prove, the endless doing. But sometimes, slowing down helps us remember what really matters: presence, peace, and simply being enough.
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