Why we quit good habits often has less to do with laziness – and more to do with how we handle the hard days.
When life gets messy or overwhelming, it’s tempting to throw in the towel on the very routines we’ve been trying to build. The gym. The journaling. The new sleep schedule. The good habits we know are helping – even if they don’t always feel good in the moment.
But lately I’ve also been sitting with a deeper question:
How do we know when to push through – and when to change direction?
How long do we keep showing up for something that’s uncomfortable before we admit it might not be right for us anymore?
It’s not always clear. But maybe it starts by being honest about why we want to quit.
Not Every Hard Day Means It’s Not Working
This came up in conversation with Mum a couple of months ago. She’d been slowly and carefully weaning off her antidepressants, doing all the right things, taking her time. But she’d had a tough few weeks – and there was a particular day that just broke her a little.
Her leg was sore after injuring it in a fall, it seemed to have become infected, and emotionally she just hit a wall. She was flat. Teary. Exhausted. So she decided to go back on her medication.
And honestly? I think that was the right call for her. She has also recently quit drinking, so it was probably too soon to go off the antidepressants. There’s no shame in needing proper support – whether it’s medical, emotional, or both.
But it did get me thinking about how easy it can be to give up when a hard day hits.
There have been many moments early on in my quitting drinking journey when I’ve pondered this. Sometimes we’re so desperate for everything to feel better that we assume a setback means failure. We often quit the good habits that were helping us most – right when we need them the most.
Setbacks are messy. They have dips and bad moods and hard mornings. Sometimes adjusting the plan is what helps. Sometimes staying the course is.
The trick is getting curious about our motives – not just our moods.
Gym, HRT, and the Temptation to Walk Away
That same thought came up for me again that night at the gym.
It was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. Some low-life fraudster had got to my bank account while I was sleeping the night before, and I’d spent hours dealing with the bank – emails, long calls and that horrible adrenaline buzz that comes from knowing your personal info has been compromised. I was frazzled. But I still went to my gym class, hoping it might help.
Unfortunately, this particular class wasn’t enjoyable for me. I walked into a packed studio blasting heavy metal music – my absolute least favourite genre. I immediately felt even more agitated. The class fully booked, so it was noisy, crowded, overstimulating. Halfway through, I honestly wanted to walk out. Not just from that class, but from the whole idea of trying so hard to stay consistent with something that suddenly felt so wrong. I wasn’t just thinking of leaving the class, I was thinking about never coming back.
On top of all that, my body was feeling off. I think it was related to the HRT I’d just started – I was tired, puffy, generally discombobulated – and not feeling as strong as usual. It was frustrating, because it made me question whether all my effort was worth it at all. I didn’t feel like I was progressing. Some days, I felt like I was going backwards.
I was SO close to walking out… but I’m not someone who quits easily. I suffered through that gym class and went back again for more the days following.
I usually stick things out, often longer than I should. I’ve pushed through burnout, stayed in jobs past their expiry date, and kept going when I probably should’ve paused. The only thing I’ve consistently quit is dieting! But let’s not go there today…. 🤣
So when I feel like giving up on something, I know to pay attention. Not because it means I’m failing – but because it’s a sign to pause, not panic. I’ve learned not to make decisions on the hardest day. That’s why, this time, I gave myself a bit more space before I decided on doing anything drastic, like quitting completely.
Sobriety Taught Me This the Hard Way
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learned came from quitting drinking.
In the early days, it wasn’t the cravings that got to me – it was the emotions. Friday nights used to be my release valve. A few wines, a bit of a buzz, a way to numb the week. Without that, I had to actually feel things. Stress, sadness, overwhelm – all of it, raw and unfiltered.
There were nights I wondered if sobriety was making me worse. I’d think:
I never used to feel this emotional.
Maybe drinking helped me?
But it wasn’t that sobriety was the problem – it was that I’d never learned how to process emotions without alcohol.
Over time, I found new ways to cope. Slower, healthier ways. I built new rituals, like walking, reading, writing or simply letting myself cry without shame. Eventually, I stopped wishing for my old escape routes.
But if I’d given up in that first emotional wave – if I’d said:
This is too hard, clearly it isn’t working.
I would’ve missed the best part.
The Middle Ground is Where the Wisdom Lives
This is what I’ve come to believe:
Sometimes we quit good things too soon, just because they stop feeling good. Other times we stay in hard things too long, because we’re scared to change course. The wisdom is learning to tell the difference.
If you’re doing something that’s good for you – and the only reason you want to quit is because it’s a bad day or a tough week – maybe give it some space. Let the emotion pass. Don’t make decisions from the middle of the storm.
But if that “bad day” feeling becomes the norm – if you’re dragging yourself through weeks or months of something that no longer brings you strength, clarity, or growth – it’s worth asking:
Is this still right for me?
We don’t have to cling to things just because they used to be good.
And we don’t have to abandon things just because they’ve become temporarily hard.
Why We Quit Good Habits
We rarely quit because we’re lazy or incapable. More often, we quit because the discomfort gets louder than the reason we started.
Here are some of the most common reasons we give up on good habits:
- We expect progress to feel good. When it doesn’t, we assume we’re doing it wrong.
- We hit a setback and think it’s failure. One hard day convinces us the whole effort isn’t working.
- We’re emotionally exhausted. Stress, burnout, or overwhelm can make even small habits feel too hard.
- We compare our journey to someone else’s. And when we don’t measure up, we feel like giving up.
- We’ve been taught to chase results, not process. So if we don’t see instant change, we assume it’s not worth it.
But most of the time, these aren’t reasons to quit – they’re invitations to pause, reflect, and recommit with more self-compassion.
So What Do We Do Instead?
We pause.
We get honest.
We check in with our values, not just our moods.
And we give ourselves permission to keep going – or change direction – without shame.
Whatever you’re navigating right now, whether it’s exercise, mental health, sobriety, relationships, work – I hope you’ll remember this:
You don’t need to quit just because it’s hard.
And you don’t need to keep suffering just to prove you’re strong.
You get to choose what’s right for you, today.
Even if it looks different to yesterday.
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